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Coming out…at your wedding!

Culture / Lifestyle / September 19, 2014
– Lifestyle with Tara –

We all know how hard it is to make that first step out of the closet. Although coming out is a big first step, it’s by no means the last time we’ll need to do it. Everyday and in any new environment creates situations where we need to come out in one way or another. There are the nosey co-workers, the pharmacist trying to understand why you’re picking up your “friends” prescriptions, and even the real-estate agent when applying for that awesome apartment you found with your partner.

These crazy scenarios are endless and the conversation that usually follows aren’t much better:

Stranger: “Oh, my brother’s wife has a cousin who is friends with someone that is gay.”
Me: *crickets* (thinking – Cool, I have a brother who is straight. We now have so much in common!)

Eventually there comes a day when you become comfortable with who you are and these moments become something to laugh about rather than stress over.

Then there is another day that happens – you fall madly in love and decide to get married. Planning a wedding, gay or straight, is no easy task. The choices are endless, between food selections, cakes, favours, invitations and the toughest of all, the guest list.

My wife and I decided to invite people we felt comfortable with, ultimately our closest friends and family and we also left invitations accessible to our parents who wanted to invite some friends. It felt like the right thing to do considering they were helping financially with the special day.

After 18 months of wedding planning the big day finally came. With everything planned to a ’T’, we were certain that nothing could go wrong. We even took into consideration the stories of newlyweds spending all their time greeting guests, making small talk and as a result, not being able to experience the reception. This would not happen to us. We were going to enjoy our day.

We intended to give ourselves additional time by taking pre-ceremony photos. In today’s world of weddings, it’s not a rare occurrence for couples to have a “first look/reveal” with their spouse. Taking family and bridal party photographs before the ceremony means you don’t have to leave the guests for an hour or two (missing the cocktail hour).

Our mission now became to greet the entire guest list before cocktail hour was over. We had one hour to complete this mission and we were determined. The plan of action was to stick together and when the time was right one of us would casually slip away giving the other one an excuse to follow, allowing us to move quickly through guests.

I was in the middle of small talk with friends, when Mandi (my wife), slipped away to move on to the next target. She was in a two-foot radius of myself, when my Dad’s work buddy approached her:

Work buddy: “Wow Tara you look great. I haven’t seen you since you were little.”
Mandi: “Thank you but I am Mandi, Tara is right there.” *pointing in my direction*
Work buddy: “Oh sorry, I didn’t know it was a double wedding. Where are the grooms?”

Hearing the situation unfold was more than an excuse for me to leave my small talk conversation.

Me: “Hi, Thank you so much for coming.”
Work buddy: “Wow you cut your hair, I didn’t even recognize you. Where is the lucky groom?”
Me: “Well this is my wife, Mandi.”
Work buddy: “What?”
Me: “We are gay.”

Although my Dad is very supportive of our relationship, I now can assume that the conversation of “my daughter is gay” doesn’t come up very frequently at work. Possibly the situation could have been saved if “work buddy” showed up for the ceremony. Seeing two girls at the alter might have tossed him a hint. Perhaps we should have thought over our guest list more carefully, or maybe we should have gone with the rainbow invitations.

Coming out happens in the most unpleasant and sometimes hilarious moments during one’s life. Mandi and I now have yet another “coming out story” added to our list. I will also add that, although it is completely acceptable to include parents in the guest list selection, it maybe wise to clarify that the friends they invite know what they are actually in for wedding-wise. As unavoidable as it may sometimes be, let our story inspire you to avoid a potential “coming out” experience on your big day.

What bizarre coming out experience is on your list?  Are there any creative or nonchalant ways to address your big fat gay wedding?






Tara Rosa
Tara Rosa
Tara married the love of her life in June of 2014, after 6 years of facing insecurities about her sexuality. These struggles are no more, as she embarks on life’s journey with her wife, Mandi by her side. They currently run a YouTube channel, Living Rosa, capturing the road to motherhood as a same-sex couple. @ F* yeah, Tara puts a smile on our faces and laughter in our hearts as she shares her heart felt and sometimes funny experiences. With her brutal honesty, she will provide you with advice that will leave you eager for more.




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26 Comments

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on July 9, 2017

Beautifully written Tara. Your growing little family makes my days happier. Thank you for being you.

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on November 23, 2015

I have been catching up on you guys’ old vlogs of your journey before jelly bean entered the world and came across this article.
That must have been strange, coming out on your wedding day. How did he not know?!
I have been out for a little over3 years now and it makes me happy to watch your vlogs and think that someday it will be me. I have never had a girlfriend before. But I know it will feel right, when I find the one that I want to settle down with.

Thank you for inspiring me Tara and mandi. You are so great! :) xx

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on April 20, 2015

Very good article and very true about coming out through your life many times. Although, I hope soon with the help of people like Tara and Mandy, need for coming out will be reduced absolute to minimum.

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on April 3, 2015

I enjoyed your article Tara! I’ve been married twice/divorced twice. I have 4 beautiful children. I’m 52 now. I’m beginning to realize I’m probably gay. I’ve never enjoyed being with a man. I’ve mentioned to my kids about being lesbian all but one said they just wanted me to be happy. I love watching you and Mandy! Congrats BTW on you being pregnant. I’ve a

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on January 14, 2015

I came out at 44, after two failed hetero marriages. We all work on different timelines however, the struggle to explain we are in love with people of the same gender is the one similar experience we must face. As humans we need to look for the things that bring us together no matter your sexual preference. Nice read Tara!

    Tara Rosa
    on January 16, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. This is so true! People need to work together to fix the world rather then tear each other apart.

    -T.R.

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on December 9, 2014

27 about to turn 28. still closeted. i live in jamaica where physically harming gay people is apart of my culture. my immediate family knows but my mother and i have never had the i am gay conversation. it would be easier to tell her if i sold my body for money. i started telling her when she was in canada but i knew she was coming to jamaica soon and the thought of facing her scared me. my gf is talking marriage now soooooooooo i am in a pickle

    F Yeah Gay Weddings
    on December 10, 2014

    I hope everything works out for you Krystal. It’s important to make sure you can stay safe first and foremost. Have you considered moving to country where you can opening be yourself and live the life you’re after with your gf?

    avatar
    on June 7, 2015

    I also resign in Jamaica for 6 months out of the year and if you are a lesbian its not bad as you being a man. it is hard when you come from a country with small minded people that’s the biggest problem i fine with Jamaicans.i am also a Jamaican but i spent all my life growing up in Canada where gay married was first legalize and even though i am a straight person i have never had a problem with gays or lesbians.when i hear people down here want to bash the LGBT community i always speak up about it.you cant help who you love or what color you are and that’s the bottom line you got to live your life for you and no one else because at the end of the day you only have one life to live so live it.

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on September 22, 2014

Hey Tara! I’ve been getting completely caught up on your vlogs and I just watched the one where you talked about you being gifted with you’re writing and I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely right! I came out to someone for the first time a little over a year ago now at 27. I’m not completely out it’s been such a slow process getting comfortable and telling people first that I know will support me. That hasn’t included anyone in my family as of now. The subject comes up because it’s something they’ve always assumed of me but there’s such mixed signals on how they’ll respond. Sorry, sidetracked. Anyways! Thank you so much for continuing to share your and Mandi’s story! It has truly been an honor getting to see! I look forward to each and every video you guys post! So much love and support for the 2 of you!

    Tara Rosa
    on September 23, 2014

    Hi Brittany! Coming out can be difficult. Especially to the people you are close with, because you are unsure how they will react. If I could give you any advice, I would tell you not to be afraid. Your family loves you. No matter what happens you are going to be the same Brittany as you were before you told them. It will however take them some time to adjust, and that’s okay.

    Thank you so much for watching our Vlogs! The love and support means so much to us! Good luck with everything!

    Best,
    Tara

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on September 21, 2014

And thank you for sharing your videos on YouTube and thanks for sharing on here!

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on September 21, 2014

Hi, I am Katie and I am bisexual. Just this year I came out and told my dad.

    Tara Rosa
    on September 21, 2014

    Hello Katie, That’s great! I hope everything worked out well for you! Glad you enjoy reading and watching all that I share!

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on September 21, 2014

Hey Tara, this is a great article! I don’t think that I have any interesting coming out stories. This one definitely takes the cake. Like, you win most bizarre coming out story, hands down. lol How did he react when you said that you were gay? Did you all laugh it off or was it super awkward?

    Tara Rosa
    on September 21, 2014

    Hello Jalise, Glad that you enjoyed my crazy coming out story! The moment after I said “We are gay” he just stared at the two of us, expressionless. I guess it’s safe to say that I caught him off guard. I smiled and moved along. I didn’t see the need to entertain the situation longer. After all it was my wedding day. Super Awkward takes the win!

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on September 20, 2014

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Tara Rosa
    on September 20, 2014

    Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! :)

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on September 20, 2014

Awesome read Tara :) I came out 2 days ago to my aunt and mom and i’m excited that though they don’t support my decision, I know I only need to do it once. I dont see the point of “coming out” to colleagues or random people, I wont hide my relationship or lie.

    Tara Rosa
    on September 20, 2014

    I am glad you enjoyed the read! Props on coming out, that first step is always the hardest. Be proud of who you are and the rest will just fall into place. (It did for me!)

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on September 20, 2014

The random stranger at the diner that asks if you are sisters?… You say “no she is my wife” and they just laugh at you!

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on September 20, 2014

I LOVE this, I found you guys on youtube and I’ve watched every vlog so far, love you guys!

    Tara Rosa
    on September 20, 2014

    Yay! I am super glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for all the support. :)

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on September 20, 2014

Amazing tara!! Well im out to my parents and friends. But my moms not as into it and will be shocked when we set the date and send out invetations to our wedding. Think it will be to real for her. Really rather just invite my dad his gay and his fully accepting of me. Met my fiance they realy get along only part thats annoying they start talking in spanish and I have no idea whats going on. But happy finally know who I am and in love. Thanks so much for the article. :)

    Tara Rosa
    on September 20, 2014

    First off, congratulations on your engagement! That is so exciting.

    Who to invite to your wedding is a tricky task. I would suggest that you should invite whomever you want to share the day with. I wouldn’t put too much worry on their comfort levels. The great thing is all your guests have an RSVP card that will allow them to make their own decision on whether or not they want to share the big day with you!

    P.S. Speaking from experience sometimes it takes parents a little while to come around to your alternative lifestyle. Hang in there!

    Best Wishes,
    Tara R.



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