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what are your deal breakers?

Culture / Lifestyle / September 29, 2014
– Lifestyle with Zann –

I have always said smoking was one. My ex smoked and we were together for two years. It is definitely one now. Being taller than me is one. Fingernail biting is one. Hating on country music is one (ok, quit laughing). I’m talking about deal breakers. Those little (or big) things that tag onto the end of sentences that start a little like “I love you and want to spend my life with you, but…”

But… you smell like an ash tray.

But… you don’t have fingernails.

But… Taylor Swift makes you gag.

Very soon after meeting my wife, I knew we were going to get married and have babies and be that deliciously boring couple who still smiled at each other after 100 years together. Like Bella and Edward, only with far less blood and way more sparkle. She was the business and it was all just radically excellent until one fateful day when, while discussing date night options, she ever so casually dropped a freaking bombshell. Her exact words were, and I remember them very, very clearly. She said… “I don’t eat seafood.”

With a pounding heart and furrowed brow, I attempted to understand the cuss words she’d just thrown at me.

“Are you allergic?”

“No, I just don’t like seafood.”

“Not even fish?”

“Especially fish. I can’t stand the smell.”

I was thinking this isn’t going to work, but said “Oh that’s cool. We don’t have to go to the seafood buffet… ever again.”

I love seafood. I could, and some weeks do, eat it everyday. Oysters, prawns, fish, squid. It’s all heaven on a fork. It’s mouth-gasm material. Sometimes it borders on real-gasm. It was, almost, our deal-breaker.

You see, I don’t care what Shan does or doesn’t eat (when it comes to food – get out of the gutter), but for me seafood is an experience. And no seafood buffet for Shan meant no seafood buffet for me…ever again. Not being able to share something I love with the person I planned to love forever suddenly felt like a huge bullet hole in our impenetrable new-love bubble.

As you can probably guess, I grew a brain and got over it. I haven’t been to a seafood buffet in 6 years but Shan does cook me fish about once a week. Knowing how much it makes her want to puke makes me love her so very much. Almost as much as I love seafood… Almost.

Is your deal breaker as lame as mine? Tell me below.






Zann Michaels
Zann Michaels
Zann has attempted to be many things over the years. Boat captain. Truck driver. Barista. Rapper. Sometimes these things worked, most often they did not. The only two things Zann has ever been any good at is staying happily married and putting words together that don't hurt your face. @ F* yeah, Zann is our resident relationship guru, sprouting advice like she knows stuff about love. She's like that friend who offers relationship advice when you haven't asked for it. Yeah, you know the one.




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29 Comments

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on October 30, 2014

For Hayden and myself, our deal breaker was (and has continued to be) smoking and motercycles. I feel ridiculously petty because both are on my part of worrisome anxiety, but they are both things very close (and raw) to my heart. For me, they are absolutely deal breakers. Even more so than her possibly wanting a mastectomy or wanting to change her gender (and I have identified as a lesbian for over 3 years now).

Our love can and has and will move mountains. This I have no doubt about. But those are my two most definite conditions. Lucky for her, I occasionally share in a hookah session and allow vapor pens, lol. But definitely no two wheeled contraptions with motors.

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on October 23, 2014

Cheaters people who do drugs and partners who don’t want kids. Up until my recent Partner I tended to attract girls who needed some sort of help but never wanted to help themselves and both of them ended up cheating on me.I was always the one to just get used and abused Its the worst! Luckily through all the toads I had to go through I finally found my princess and we could not be happier. Planning kids and our future together :)

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on October 8, 2014

My deal breakers are drugs and racism.
But I cannot stand smoking, excessive drinking and people who don’t have their lives together.
I would never again date someone who doesn’t have a job, home, goals, financial stability, a license and car – independent of me!
Luckily however, my love has all of these things and totally enjoys being self-sufficent!

    Zann Michaels
    on October 11, 2014

    Those things seem pretty basic but it’s kinda crazy how tough that is to find. Sounds like you scored!

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on October 3, 2014

Hmmm… Great question and one I’ve been trying to answer since I came out in 2006…
– not wanting to ever get married is one. I want my fairytale ever after.
– not wanting any more kids. I have a son who is 9 but I want at least one more whether we adopt or conceive!
– a woman who doesn’t like to read is a deal breaker
– someone who always wants to stay home and never go out. I don’t like to party hardy but a date night to a movie or to see a local band or a walk on rehoboth’s beaches are a must every once and a while!

Currently, my partner of almost 2 yrs and I bought a home and even though I was straight forward about wanting more kids am wanting to get married, she is still on the fence because she is older and my son and her don’t always get each other. It’s frightening because I love everything about her to the moon and back but I am scared I will lose everything I want. So I’m just waiting to see while I wish on every star I see that she comes around. *fingers crossed*

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on September 30, 2014

I have always said I wouldn’t date someone who smokes. My current fiancee does smoke but has limited it since I don’t approve as much. Obviously I do appreciate it and we have reached agreements on it.

I totally get the seafood dilemma. My fiancee does not eat anything out of the ocean since she’s allergic to most of it and I could live eating only seafood for the rest of my life. I can’t really blame her for being allergic but I’ve learned to love her for those things that we don’t share. Like my hate for anything with chocolare on it.

My major deal breaker would be not wanting to have kids. I don’t think it’s something I could deal with. I want them and I’m not willing to give up on it.

    Zann Michaels
    on October 11, 2014

    Allergies are at least a solid and excuse. Simply not liking it is tough to get over. Totally understand the kid thing, that’s choosing between two completely different lives.

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on September 30, 2014

I always said I would never date a bi girl. Massive turn off. But you cant pick who you fall for and I’ve never been more in love or happy.

    Lara Luz
    on September 30, 2014

    I’m quite intrigued by your comment Sam. As a bisexual myself I’ve never quite understood what is so scary about dating us. Perhaps you can shed some light on your motivations on this deal breaker you’ve found yourself breaking?

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    So did you fall for a bi girl?

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on September 30, 2014

The colour red. Fire engine red , can’t stand it. I don’t have it in my house, don’t have it around me and definitely don’t WEAR it !!
It definitely would be a deal breaker. I laugh with my Mrs that if she had of turned back the bed to reveal red sheets, that would of been the end of a blossoming romance.

Oh and tattoos of ex-girlfriends. Especially multiple ones !!

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    That is an interesting one. Why the hating on red?? I used to work for this crazy woman and you could tell her mood by the amount of red she was wearing. The days she showed up at work in red from head to toe, including horrendous red lipstick, we knew it was going to be a bad day.

      avatar
      on October 8, 2014

      I don’t know what it is. It’s like having a strobe light go off in a yoga class !! Sends my head in a spin ! I suppose everyone has their quirks !!

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on September 30, 2014

I never thought I could be with someone taller than I am or someone who took the reigns, so to speak. The love of my life is taller than I, if only by a half of an inch, and she tends to be the one to wear the pants. She definitely has the stronger of our personalities and has no problems with social anxiety as I have. I definitely do not mind it though, because we both have a laugh about her being the extroverted feminine one and myself being the more masculine looking introvert who only THINKS she wears the pants every now and then.

    avatar
    on September 30, 2014

    Don’t worry – I am the extremely feminine one with the no BS, overly outspoken, “I can do it” outlook. You are not the only one. Despite my softer femme demeanor, I sometimes get the whatever you want dear. You are not alone :)

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    Sounds like you guys are each other’s ying and yang!

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on September 30, 2014

My only deal breakers would be someone who does drugs or doesn’t want children. I have a son with my ex gf and I definitely want more. A family is very important to me and not something I could sacrifice.

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    Having kids seems to be a common deal breaker. And totally understandable, especially if you already have one. What if they only wanted one more and you wanted three?

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on September 30, 2014

My other half said quite early in our relationship that she hates, yes “hates” shopping!! After I picked my chin up off the floor I discovered that she just doesn’t get retail therapy.

“Why go to the shops when you don’t need anything?? ” she said.

“How do you know you don’t need it when you haven’t looked at what’s there?” I said

It was an argument I was never going to win! A matter of opinion I now realise. I’ve learnt that we will only ever shop together when Kerry needs something and that’s fine! I’ve got my mum who’s also a shopaholic to enjoy this past time with.

It may well have nearly been a deal breaker for my mum also. I remember a conversation between my wife and mother that went something like

“what you don’t like shopping?”

“Erm no”

“Car boots?”

“Nope”

“Charity shops?”

“No”

“NOT EVEN ANTIQUES”

“No Val, not even antiques”

My mums grown to accept this also and luckily still offered her blessing when we announced our engagement.

6 Years on, 2 years happily married. It seems those deal breakers dot count when its your soulmate that breaks them!!

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    Right?? Sneaky buggers worming their way past our deal breaker lists.

    You found a way to work around it without trying to convince your wife she needs to get into it more, which is clever. Was your shopping almost a deal breaker for your wife?

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on September 30, 2014

Smoking is a pretty big deal breaker. Not wanting kids (I do. #allthebabies). Hating traveling. And probably I will not be someone’s first girlfriend again, because this break up sucks.

    Zann Michaels
    on September 30, 2014

    Oh break ups DO suck! So bad! But now you’re one person closer to your future babymama :)

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on September 29, 2014

I totally get the seafood thing! Seafood is a big part of my life and family gatherings (for example my family has a whole heap of amazing seafood every year on Christmas Eve). It’s a shame that every person I have been with has disliked seafood or only eats flake from the fish and chip shop (which I believe just doesn’t count).
So I guess I can say I am use to it in a way but it still sucks not being able to eat some of my favourite foods whenever I want.

On our first date the love of my life confessed to me that she barracks for collingwood and I guess that is a part of our relationship that we would rather not discuss (I’m an Essendon fan).

    Zann Michaels
    on October 11, 2014

    Collingwood? Definite deal breaker. As a fellow Bombers fan, I don’t know how you do it.

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on September 29, 2014

After several heartbreaks I vowed and declared I wouldnt be someones first gf again. I didnt want to be an experiment and I didnt want to be dumped after 3 months so that they could go and play the field.
Luckily I broke that rule for my partner though cos six years on we are about as happy as two people can be.

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on September 29, 2014

It’s interesting to think about what I always said were my deal breakers. I used to say I wouldn’t date a girl with short hair and now that’s actually my preference. I said I wouldn’t date someone with red hair or even a tint of red and my girlfriend has red hair. Actually, short hair and red hair.

So, I suppose my only real deal breakers are smokers and someone who feels the need to party or do drugs. Those are major turn offs for me.

    Zann Michaels
    on October 11, 2014

    Yeah smoking and drugs are big ones across the board I think. Funny how your preference changes with time. I used to have a real thing for blondes when I was younger.



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