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How I chose what to wear to my lesbian wedding

Culture / Lifestyle / October 14, 2014
– Lifestyle with Tara –

We hadn’t even made a single arrangement or chosen our date. Still, the entire fuss was about our attire for the unidentified day. All circumstances led to my moment of panic… what was I going to wear?

Image by Lara Luz

What is one supposed to wear to the biggest occasion of their life? Now, if I was a famous actress, I might be talking about The Oscars. But I am not, so I am going to talk about the next best thing, my Wedding Day.

Conventionally at weddings, the bride wears a dress and the groom wears a tux. Easy. Unfortunately for myself, our wedding was everything but traditional. As a lesbian couple, you sometimes feel as though you are paving a new path. You are challenged to answer questions, to which you yourself do not know the solution.

Moments after our engagement was announced, we were bombarded with such questions. “What are you going to wear?” “Will you wear matching dresses?” “Will one of you wear a tux?

And then came the advice committee. “Maybe one could wear a long dress and the other wear a short dress.” “How about you could find dresses that compliment each other.” “Tara, you never wear dresses, you should wear a pants suit.”

We hadn’t even made a single arrangement or chosen our date. Still, the entire fuss was about our attire for the unidentified day. All circumstances led to my moment of panic… what was I going to wear?

Truth be told, I was never a fan of the dress. Bystanders of our relationship would confirm that if either of us were to be caught sporting a dress, it would be Mandi. My comfort zone never goes beyond jeans and t-shirts. With the biggest day of my life lurking in my near future, it was evident that I would have to break free from the boundaries.

If Mandi had her heart set on the big white dress, would I have to fulfil the role of groom? Yes, pants are more my style but dressy pants suits are not. Fear filled my mind with thoughts that I would be out of character with whichever choice I made. Out of nowhere it hit me, I was going to be a bride. Yes one of two brides, but a bride nonetheless and I wanted a dress. It didn’t matter if it would throw people for a loop. It didn’t matter that the tux would be extinct at the altar. At my wedding there would be two brides and two dresses.

The rest fell into place like a scripted TV show. My wife and I started and ended our dress search at Kleinfeld. The nightmare of finding the “perfect dresses” turned into a rapid and easy “Say yes to the dress” moment. Some might wish to keep traditions such as postponing seeing the bride in her dress, but at this point we had thrown traditions out the window. A commute to NYC was bad enough for one bride’s dress fitting let alone two!

Selecting what to wear is only one of countless wedding hurdles that you will face while planning your day. Now that my big day is over, I can testify with certainty that it doesn’t matter what you wear, what you eat, or what tiny gifts you send home with your guest. Let’s not lose focus that a wedding is a celebration of love and happiness shared between two folks. I can also confirm that while I didn’t walk away with an Oscar, I sure did feel like a celebrity when I gained a wife.

Tara Rosa
Tara Rosa
Tara married the love of her life in June of 2014, after 6 years of facing insecurities about her sexuality. These struggles are no more, as she embarks on life’s journey with her wife, Mandi by her side. They currently run a YouTube channel, Living Rosa, capturing the road to motherhood as a same-sex couple. @ F* yeah, Tara puts a smile on our faces and laughter in our hearts as she shares her heart felt and sometimes funny experiences. With her brutal honesty, she will provide you with advice that will leave you eager for more.

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on July 6, 2015

“while I didn’t walk away with an Oscar, I sure did feel like a celebrity when I gained a wife.”

That last quote was quite possibly one of my favorite parts of this article.

I’d also like to say that, in my day-to-day life, I’m also plagued with insecurity over what to wear to what sort of event. Sometimes I put this weird and unnecessary pressure on myself to “dress up” or “fit in” with whatever I assume others will be wearing. I’m really proud of myself that, lately, I’ve just been going with what makes me comfortable without giving a second thought to what any friends or strangers may think.

Well done, Tara. You looked beautiful on your wedding day and I’m glad you found the right fit for you.

on January 14, 2015

Tara well done!
I heard your voice while reading which is what is supposed to happen to the reader! My fiancé said she’d marry me wearing a rubbish bin liner and although I know that’s exaggerating it’s the lovely sentiment in her heart. I quite liked Ellen’s look when marrying Portia. Face it…Women rock pantsuits,tuxes, ties and dresses!!!!

    Tara Rosa
    on January 16, 2015

    Thank you!
    I like the way your fiancé thinks! After all, it is about love and in the end it doesn’t matter what you wear! :)

on October 19, 2014

I Loved reading this because I feel like it’s definitely a struggle that a lot of lesbian couples face. Sometimes one is a bit more femme or a bit more androgynous. There’s a documentary coming out sometime in 2015 that goes more into depth on this subject called ‘Girl on Girl’, you should totally check it out! Anyway, I’m only 20 and have been dating my first girlfriend for a couple months and far from marriage but I love watching LivingRosa. It makes me so happy to see a relationship so similar to mine. Although I haven’t done it yet, you’re videos make me feel more confident in coming out to my parents. Thanks for the videos and this article and everything, love you guys!

    Tara Rosa
    on October 21, 2014

    Hello Piper! Yes, I totally agree with you. Whether it be a straight couple or gay couple, there are no two relationships that are the same. It’s a huge reason why I like to share my own experiences by documenting through writing and/or daily vlogs. If my life can relate to people like yourself and help you in anyway possible then it’s well worth my time! That documentary sounds interesting. Thanks for sharing, I will definitely keep and eye out for it. Also, word of advice for you, try not to focus to much of your time on “coming out”, just be yourself and the rest will fall into place. :)

on October 15, 2014

Love this! There’s definitely no “right” or “wrong” thing to wear to your wedding – just what feels best to you. Every other day of our lives, we use clothing to express ourselves and we wear what makes us comfortable; it only makes sense to take that to its logical conclusion on such an important and happy day! Your dress was beautiful and what really matters is how incredibly happy you both were. Great article!

    Tara Rosa
    on October 15, 2014

    This comment is so on point. Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights. Be yourself and be happy!

on October 15, 2014

Such a great article! Really awesome insight :) Thanks for all your positivity, I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts and viewing your’s and Mandi’s vlog!! Definitely helps me out seeing you ladies out here living lives full of so much love and laughter!! xoxo

    Tara Rosa
    on October 15, 2014

    Thanks, I am happy to share my frustrations with finding the perfect outfit for my wedding day! Now that the day is over it seems silly that it was even a problem to begin with. Hopefully someone can take something away from reading about my experience. Like you said love and laughter is what really matters!

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