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When 2 become 1

Culture / Lifestyle / November 3, 2014
– Lifestyle with Zann –

I asked him if he’d pash himself if he met himself at a bar. “Yep,” he answered without a moment of hesitation. “Wouldn’t you?”

He was 18 and I was 21. We were sitting in a dingy gay bar, cheap vodka in hand, discussing our non-existent love lives and inventing our future partners piece by piece.

“He has to be tall,” he said. “And slim. And have dark hair.”

I nodded, staring at my friend as he described his perfect boyfriend. My tall, slim, dark-haired friend was interested in meeting a tall, slim, dark haired male for friendship and maybe more.

I asked him if he’d pash himself if he met himself at a bar. “Yep,” he answered without a moment of hesitation. “Wouldn’t you?”

I thought about it then, and much since.

Was I attracted to someone who looked just like me?

At the time, my long-haired, high-heel wearing, makeup-loving self professed I would never date me. I was into older, muscular butch types with confidence and a job.

We kept drinking.

Go to any event where lesbians abound and the carbon-copy-couples stand out.

There’s the ones who were long lost twinsies who came together when the universe aligned.

Then there are those for whom the urge-to-merge was so strong that the two original individuals have been all but lost. Their matching khaki shorts and white t-shirts make them easy to spot, but difficult to identify in a line up. And they’re usually both named Sarah.

In the many years since those early vodkas, my tastes evolved to something closer to the long haired girly type reflected in the mirror. And then my reflection began to change to the kind of girl I’d been attracted to in those early days.

What makes Shan and I work is that we are completely opposite in most ways, but let’s be real – if it weren’t for all the kissing and boob-grabbing, we’d probably be mistaken for sisters. And I’m ok with that. While our similarities weren’t what attracted me to her in the first place, they have certainly paid off. We can share clothes and shoes and our girls are both pale and freckly, just like us.

And sometimes, when she is wearing those giant reflective sunglasses, it looks like I’m kissing myself…. and I don’t even mind.

So tell me – is gay dating really just the ultimate act of self love and vanity?






Zann Michaels
Zann Michaels
Zann has attempted to be many things over the years. Boat captain. Truck driver. Barista. Rapper. Sometimes these things worked, most often they did not. The only two things Zann has ever been any good at is staying happily married and putting words together that don't hurt your face. @ F* yeah, Zann is our resident relationship guru, sprouting advice like she knows stuff about love. She's like that friend who offers relationship advice when you haven't asked for it. Yeah, you know the one.




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12 Comments

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on November 4, 2014

Its not just gay couples… I have met loads of straight couples that could easily pass as siblings! Also plenty of matching sweaters to be seen in the retirement village, the urge to merge is also quite strong with the oldies. Maybe people think it’s safer to ask if you are sisters rather than partners?

    Zann Michaels
    on November 12, 2014

    yes, it’s definitely not just a gay thing. But I think when people see a straight couple together they’ll naturally think they’re a couple first. Maybe. Might have to ask some straighties!

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on November 4, 2014

I prefer brunettes like myself, I don’t care what you look like or your type. I have, however, seen a lot of people who look like siblings dating.

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on November 4, 2014

Most people in today’s society take deliberate care over their personal appearance every day. Whether it’s going to the gym or dying their hair, putting on make up or wearing a specific shirt/skirt/shoe. There are few people who would honestly be able to say that they are in no way conscious of their day to day appearance. And so to see a couple who reflect one another in a visual way is something that I for one think should be praised, because it means that they are in some way happy with, and are showing approval of, their own appearance. Maybe it’s shallow. Maybe it’s not conscious. Maybe I’m way off here. But I think it’s nice to see.

    Zann Michaels
    on November 12, 2014

    yeah I think you’re absolutely right. It makes sense that couples are into the same things, even the same clothes, fitness regime etc. It’s those shared interests that make couples work.

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on November 4, 2014

People constantly ask my wife and me if we are sisters because we both have black hair, were the same height, and weigh about the same. I think it’s instinctual for people to think we’re related than married. People don’t usually assum were in a same-sex marriage. It is awkward when we say, “nope! We’re married!” And get weird looks after lol!

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on November 4, 2014

We have been asked if we’re sisters once or twice, but other than our hair colour, we look nothing alike. I’m tall, tanned,with dark hair & eyes; she is petite, fair, with dark hair & blue eyes. I believe we complement each other in our appearance, as well as ouraspirations & values.

I think some people just assume that two women (or men) who are affectionate or appear connected can only be relatives. This is especially true when you don’t fit into the common gay stereotypes, ie. Femine/lipstick lesbian couples or hyper/masculine gay couples.

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on November 4, 2014

I have always been attracted to tomboyish nerdy girls, which is how I identify.
The love of my life turned out to be everything I didn’t think I wanted. She is a petite, feminine, make up wearing bundle of cute.
Interestingly though our personalities don’t seem to match our exterior, and we both love that about each other.

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on November 4, 2014

People have often commented that my girlfriend and I look identical to one another, and I have always responded “it’s because I consider myself attractive, so I date someone who looks like me!” My response is always truthful, with an obvious hint of sarcasm! I will absolutely agree that perhaps some of us are, in fact, completely reacting to “self-love”! :)

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on November 4, 2014

I always hated when people asked if my partner and I were sisters. I thought, “Eww, gross!” Lol! But you make an interesting point about “gay love” being possibly about the ultimate “self-love.” I’m pretty proud of who I am, so I guess it’s not such a bad thing that I fell in love with my twin. ;)

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on November 4, 2014

Love the blog! While I have witnessed many people who date themselves, I personally have not been attracted to a carbon copy of me. I prefer opposite looks, but similar values.



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